About two and a half weeks into the new job now, and it’s fine, I guess. Most of the first week I was emotion hyperbolized, extremely sad or angry almost constantly, and not about anything in particular. I’ve mostly numbed that out of myself, living in day-in-day-out routine fueled by denial of my situation.
Denial only pushes it down so far, though. Sometimes I don’t even realize my discontent as it simmers. Several times, in (few and far-between) quiet moments on the job, when I’ve turned off my customer interaction happy-face, people have asked me why I’m sad. It shows through. I’m not alone, though – I’ve already had several co-workers, apropos of nothing, remark “I hate my life.”
I could talk about what it’s been like. How the oils from the coffees get everywhere, and leave my clothes, my hair, even my skin infused with the smell. How there’s the giant, college-textbook sized new employee manual that got thrown out the window on day two because while corporate was willing to spend the money to develop and print the manual, they’re not willing to allocate the labor costs to make its training methodology a reality. About the training I do get from my co-workers; sometimes about how to do the job, but more often about how to cut corners, and which other co-workers are annoying. But I’m not sure there’s anything worth fleshing out about those thoughts.
The ‘Basin, my old home mountain in Colorado, opened today. If I’d stayed in Colorado, I could be snowboarding right now. It’s 70 degrees in Sunnyvale, and it looks like my schedule and finances will prevent me from snowboarding at all this season. I hate my life.